Sandra, Emma, Euan and Louise

Sandra is a kinship carer for her daughter Emma’s two children, Euan (8) and Louise (12). Emma is currently in prison, serving a sentence for assault. Emma uses substances and these have often been a factor in the offences she has been charged with. Even prior to Emma’s most recent conviction, Euan and Louise had lived with Sarah as Emma has been in prison twice before. Emma is separated from Euan and Louise’s dad. The children have a good relationship with their dad and see him every few weeks, however due to his own substance use issues, they are unable to live with him.

Euan and Louise also have a good relationship with their mum and Sandra tries to take them to visit prison as often as she can, but due to stretched finances and the distance of travel to the prison, this can be difficult and often takes a whole day. Prison visiting times may require a day off school for the children.

Sandra can tell Emma’s imprisonment is taking its toll on the children as they love and miss their mother. They speak to her on the phone daily and it’s the high point of their day, which they look forward to. When Emma first went to prison, Euan was 4 and Louise was 8 and it was huge adjustment for everyone. The children had a lot of questions and fears about what happens in a prison. Euan, Louise and Sandra were all very nervous going to their first visit at the prison and it was an emotional time for all four of them. Sandra feels the children have adjusted well to the situation now, but she wishes they hadn’t had to and that their lives hadn’t had to change.

Sandra’s own life has had to change a lot. Before Emma was arrested the first time, Sandra worked part time at a job she enjoyed and felt quite settled in her life. Sandra wasn’t aware of the full extent of Emma’s substance use until she was arrested for driving under the influence and the police contacted Sandra to ask if she could have the children overnight. Although the children then returned to Emma until the court case, they came back to live with Sandra after Emma’s conviction and have stayed with her since. It was hoped that they would go back to Emma after she completed her first custodial sentence, but Emma’s housing and situation were not stable and both Sandra and Emma felt the children should stay with Sandra, and this has been the case ever since. This has meant a big change to Sandra’s life as the caring responsibilities coupled with concern and stress regarding prison and Emma’s substance use meant Sandra had to give up work. In some ways this relieved some of the pressure, but it did compound stress around finances. Sandra enjoyed her job and losing it took away a distraction from the situation and a support network.

Sandra knows Emma is struggling with many issues, both historical and current. She knows Emma wants to get into recovery and complete her sentence, eventually getting into a position where she can have her children back to live with her. Sandra wants this for the family too and is prepared to support Emma as much as she can but feels her first priority is to supporting Euan and Louise. Sandra understands that at the back of Emma’s substance use is trauma and that without either, Emma probably wouldn’t be in prison.

At present Sandra feels she just takes each day as it comes, she tries to ensure she and her grandchildren have good times, to balance the difficult times. Sandra tells Emma every day that she loves her and that she knows she’s trying her hardest to change the situation.

This is a composite story which has been created based on the collective experiences of families supported by Families Outside. Sandra, Emma, Euan and Louise are fictional but represent what families with a loved one in prison experience every day.