Navigating the Heartache: A Mother's Journey Through Imprisonment
This blog offers a heartfelt exploration of the emotional and practical challenges faced by families with loved ones in prison. Written by a mother from Shetland, it delves into the unique struggles of navigating incarceration from a distance, including the feelings of panic, loss, and isolation. Through personal stories, the blog highlights the importance of support networks, such as Families Outside, and advocates for designated resources for Island families. It calls for greater understanding and compassion from prison staff, as well as systemic changes to alleviate the financial burdens associated with visiting loved ones in prison. Ultimately, this blog aims to raise awareness about the vital role of family connections in the rehabilitation process and foster a sense of community among those facing similar challenges.
Having a family member in prison is hard, in ways many would not understand. There are so many emotions to deal with: anger, resentment, sadness, and even relief. When my son went to prison I felt panic and loss, and having never been in this situation before I had no idea what to do, or where to go. Everything felt alien and intimidating and being so far away complicated things even more.
I live in Shetland and to go to a 1hour visit could take 3 days return if using the ferry, and cost hundreds of pounds in travel or hotels. The result was I could not afford to see my son the way other families on the mainland could see their loved ones. This was so difficult for myself and my son, as I was his only visitor. I looked for help with this and had great support from Families Outside. The staff in the family hub at Grampian prison went out of their way to help, and it meant so much to have that, but I would like to see perhaps a designated support worker for Island families who understands the difficulties faced. This would help ease the pressure of dealing with those issues. I feel there also needs to be an understanding on a government level that changes need to be made to recognise the financial difficulties faced by Island families who want to visit their family member in prison, and the importance of family contact in the rehabilitation of prisoners.
I had never been inside a prison before and found the experience very intimidating. I was not familiar with how things are done and felt humiliated and nervous at times. It added stress to an already time limited visit. Afterwards, I shared my experience with Families Outside and they supported me with the next visits so I was more prepared, and felt less alone.
My experience as a mother to someone in prison was very intimidating. I felt I had to search for support which just added to the stress of dealing with my sons’ imprisonment. If I could ask for a change to help other families, including families from the Islands, it would be to have someone reach out right at the start. Maybe provide a leaflet identifying what kind of support is available, and how to access it. This could include bus routes, and places where you could get a meal.
On a personal level it would have also helped ease the stress of the prison visits if some of the officers had a more compassionate manner. I understand the need for a formal, professional approach but an awareness that this can be a daunting experience for families and a gentler approach by officers can make things less stressful, I know I will always remember the officers who spoke to me like a human being and helped me when I was unsure about things.